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In Via – On The Way

  • On cigarettes and being present

    May 5th, 2022

    I am waiting for the 6.16 train from Nottingham to Leeds and as I am drinking my Costa coffee, I ponder how did I end up here and what can I learn from it.

    I was travelling back to the UK from Slovakia yesterday and I have bought three cartons of Davidoff cigarettes for my friend. I carried them in a plastic bag given at the Bratislava airport and somehow I managed to forget that bag on the Leeds airport link A1. It was a long journey.

    I realised this when I sat down at Pret A Manger at the Leeds train station and I kind of threw the towel in, accepting I’m around £125 short repeating “Fuck it.” as a mantra in my head.

    Then I told my brother about it and he said – “Why don’t you call them?”
    And as much as I can say that it probably should occur to me as a possible action, it never did. I guess I was kind of blinded by my rage and anger and what not, that I simply wanted to “punish myself” for this mistake by “losing the £125” I paid for these cigarettes.

    I managed to find the contact for the Flyer and messaged them over WhatsApp. I messaged them at 15.01 and at 15.31 they messaged back saying the cigarettes were found.
    My sister’s boyfriend called me a lucky bastard.

    And here’s the learning I can see in this story.

    It has been recommended in the 12 step recovery to find someone to call or message to should we find ourselves in the state of falling back into the addiction, or should we feel we are close to giving in. Because sometimes the difference between overcoming a temptation and falling into it is just a simple message or phone call.
    I dare to say that losing £125 isn’t something that would destroy me, but it also isn’t something I really want to let happen if I can help it.
    And I can honestly say that if it wasn’t for my brother, I would have fallen into the negative self talk (you deserved this bullshit) and I would have not messaged the Flyer management and the story would end there.

    Though my brother being the brother he is, didn’t forget to add that this probably happened because I wasn’t fucking present.
    Of course I wasn’t fucking present, I rarely am lol, like show me someone who is 24/7 present you dumbass.
    I’ve recently finished a book by Mark Manson, Everything is fucked and he mentions Quang Duc, the Vietnamese monk that somehow managed to stay present whilst burning alive protesting the persecution of Buddhists by the South Vietnamese government led by Ngô Đình Diệm in 1963. Like if we are talking about that kind of being present then I can say I’ll never achieve that and I’m okay to be present my own chaotic way as it’s kind of fun. It earned me a trip to Leeds on a fine sunny May morning and I can play some more Placebo on the train. In my books that’s a pretty good thing.

    But back to the importance of support network.

    We all have blind spots in our vision. There is no better way of putting it, then to say I indeed was blinded by my anger in the heat of the moment when I realised what happened. But someone else could see beyond my blind spot of anger. And chances are, in whatever situation we are, there’s always someone who can help us more than we can help ourselves and we shouldn’t be afraid, or ashamed to ask.
    Though technically I did not ask my brother for help. I’ve actually been upset and just wanted to vent. Luckily, people who know us, can decipher what we are saying. Can you please help me have many different ways of spelling.

    Conclusion:
    Pretty much any bad can be turned into good, or we can at least shift our perception of it. It might not always be easy, but it is almost always possible. Sitting on the morning train to Leeds, looking for some final words of wisdom to end my little piece on being present I sense my mood being nicely fuzzy and soft. I am actually happy it happened.

  • Inktober 2021

    Oct 10th, 2021

    Day 1 – Crystal

    Mouse is trying to see future in a crystal ball. It seems he is not impressed!

    Day 2 – Suit

    Mouse went to space! He was really excited to be one the first of his kind to travel in a rocket!

    Day 3 – Vessel

    One of the best moments in mouse’s life is opening a new jar of premium mature cheddar!

    Day 4 – Knot

    Mouse is shredding on his favourite guitar, showing everyone he is a big fan of Slipknot!

    Day 5 – Raven

    Mouse is trying on his handmade Halloween costume based on his favourite trilogy Kin Fables by McKinnon brothers, wearing a replica of one of the raven worshippers mask from Tale 1.

    Day 6 – Spirit

    Poor mouse saw a spirt, or a ghost, though he isn’t sure about it all now as he might had too much wine.

    Day 7 – Fan

    Mouse is a big fan of Inktober! Well, it is the time for him to go on adventures and see things that even some humans don’t get to see.

    Day 8 – Watch

    Mouse used to love watching night sky and his favourite thing to see were falling stars!

    Day 9 – Pressure

    Mouse is under a lot of pressure here as he ate too much of blue cheese and it seems he might not make it home in time!

    Day 10 – Pick

    Mouse don’t seem to be able to pick which cheese to get for dinner. I personally would recommend emmental!

    Day 11 – Sour

    Mouse often starts his day with a bowl of cereals and kefir. Some aren’t keen on its rather sour taste, but mouse actually enjoys it!

    Day 12 – Stuck

    Mouse loves gaming, but he seems stuck. Soon he might need to find help in the walkthrough.

    Day 13 – Roof

    Mouse loves driving his convertible with the roof down!

    Day 14 – Tick

    Mouse finally managed to fix his old clock. Now he can tick it off his to do list.

    Day 15 – Helmet

    Mouse used to play ice hockey when he was young.

    Day 16 – Compass

    Apparently, so one of mouse’s favourite bedtime stories says, there is a magical compass that shows the shortest path to cheese. Mouse would really want such thing.

    Day 17 – Collide

    It seems it wasn’t a good idea to go up to the roof in slippers. Collision with ground is unavoidable.

    Day 18 – Moon

    Many say that sometimes moon looks like cheese, but only a few look at it as if it really was. Mouse does.

    Day 19 – Loop

    Sometimes, when mouse gets bored, he loops his tail creating various words or objects.

    Day 20 – Sprout

    Mouse discovered his block of chees started to sprout with something long and green. He lost his appetite short after.

    Day 21 – Fuzzy

    Mouse didn’t shave for a while. He looks a bit fuzzy.

    Day 22 – Open

    Mouse had a bad dream. When he opened his eyes and realised he is in his bed, he was relieved.

    Day 23 – Leak

    Mouse has a leaking ceiling. He is not looking forward fixing it.

    Day 24 – Extinct

    Mouse have made another costume for Halloween, a pterodactyl.

    Day 25 – Splat

    Poor mouse! He dropped his favourite cheescake!

    Day 26 – Connect

    Mouse bought himself a new hi-fi setup and is excited to connect it all up and listen to his favourite DJ – deadmau5!

    Day 27 – Spark

    Mouse doesn’t have many bad habits, but occasionally he enjoys a cigarette.

    Day 28 – Crispy

    Mouse isn’t a big fan of winter, oh no! But even then he can enjoy the crispy mornings.

    Day 29 – Patch

    Mouse doesn’t only like cheese, he also loves mushrooms! He is so happy to see a first small patch of his home grown oyster mushrooms!

    Day 30 – Slither

    Mouse truly hates creeping and crawling creatures – especially snakes! – and so he often dreams he is a powerful wizard and can shrink them and show them who is the boss!

    Day 31 – Risk

    Mouse isn’t exactly know for making accurate cost to benefit analysis in his little head so he often takes unnecessary risk. Well, sometimes you got to…

    Inktober 2021 – Done!

    You were great. I didn’t finish you on time, but better late then never, right?

    Until 2022…

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