Present / Not Present

I have decided to write as often as I can, even if it will mean some things I’ll write will be average, or worse. I suppose it’s coming from the post I’ve seen on Instagram where it said that from 100% of what we do 70% will be average or poor, 20% will be good/ok and 10% will be great.

I was trying to Google the 70-20-10 rule and I was getting various interpretation of it, but none seemed to match what I believe I have seen on Instagram. Either way, what the version of this rule on Instagram meant was, in order to crete a great piece, we have to be prepared to create average pieces. And in relatively much higher volume. I think it kinda says that from 100 posts I might publish here, 70 will be in the average bracket, 20 will be around the good mark, and 10 will hopefully be great. And in my head that makes sense.
It’s all about the amount of work and repetition we put it. Or, practice makes better.

So now that I have explained the reason for writing, what is my today’s message?

Well, I thought I’ll share something about my struggle to be present.

If I got a pound for every article or post in the mindfulness category I’ve glanced at or read online that mentioned living in the present moment I’d probably be very rich. Of course I’m exaggerating but you get the idea.
It’s everywhere.

Be present. Live in the moment.

Well, ok, but how?
Do you mind actually telling me how?

When I told my friend I’m often chatting with people whilst on treadmill he called me King Of Not Present Moment. And he was very correct.
I’m actually very not present right now as I’m on treadmill, trying to put 10km against my virtual challenge, so I can log them and be satisfied I’m 10km closer to finishing it.
At the same time I’m walking on slow speed, trying to draft this post so when I come home, I don’t need to worry about typing it as I’d have this draft to just review and publish.
Which is just another example of my favourite activity and that is – killing two birds with one stone. Which is just another way of saying multi-tasking right?

Anyway, I guess what I’m describing is a disconnect between where I am and where I want to be. I actually don’t really want to be on treadmill, but as I do want some kind of physical condition and to lose weight, I kind of have to endure some discomfort. But whilst I can accept this trade off, a bit of discomfort for a benefit of being healthy, or better looking, I really struggle to be present doing it. I simply cannot just be on treadmill, running or jogging, I have to do something that breaks the boredom of it. Because the activity itself is in my opinion ridiculously boring. And my mind doesn’t handle boredom very well.

My friend asked my if I actually enjoy something as he seemed to think that I don’t, because I don’t do anything with 100% dedication and focus. Which is true.
But even with that assumption being correct, I do enjoy things, but they must be creating some positive stimulation in my brain, for example food, sex, shopping, laughing. When it comes to things like running, I do them, yet they don’t seem to trigger that pleasant feeling, but they give me some reward afterwards, where for example I can feel proud or happy that it’s over. But as the task is not pleasant on its own, at least that is how my mind perceives it, I simply think of the “after”. I look at the kilometer count on the display of the treadmill counting down the kilometres or minutes left to reach my goal. In my case the journey isn’t enjoyable, but goal is appealing. So I do it.

But my question is, how can I actually enjoy it? Will it kind of happen if I keep doing it? Or do I somehow need to “decide” to enjoy it? Or perhaps I need a better understanding of what joy actually is?

So far, I haven’t been able to figure out how to enjoy things I do as means to an end, but without the end goal I’ll gladly stop doing. I’m convinced that once I’ve reached my target weight I’d stop running. Or maybe I won’t completely stop, but I’d just do it as maintenance. Who knows. I’m not there yet. But the fact is, I’d much rather be chilling at home reading or watching TV, then be here in the now as it’s unfolding. And to me, that is wrong. I should be content with where I am.

And this is basically a post I made to escape boredom of now, as well as my attempt to do something that can contribute to the overall amount of things I’m doing, where eventually 10% of them will be good.
In my personal opinion this was just a rant of mildly annoyed man that had an average day at work and apart from dinner he hasn’t got much to look forward to before he goes to bed and his day will be over.
Yet I would like to conclude it with saying I’m still grateful for everything, because even if I might not feel like it, I came to believe being grateful is a choice.

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