It’s Sunday 14th of April 2024, just over 4pm and I’m sitting in Roata restaurant here in Cluj and I’m waiting for my dessert, crepes filled with cottage cheese and raisins with vanilla cream (I just had their wonderful steaks).
I thought this would be a good time to start writing a summary about this unexpected trip, because honestly, I didn’t see it coming. In a way I feel like Bilbo in The Hobbit, who was sent on an adventure by Gandalf. This begs a question though, if I’m Bilbo, who is in this case Gandalf? Let’s see if I can answer that.
I remember how I used to say I’ll never run and I was so sure of it! I seriously meant it. I used to say I hate running!
And then to top it off, I when I actually started running!, I used to say, that I’ll never run with crowd. So here I am eating my own words before crepes arrive. Because I just ran 13th Cluj-Napoca half-marathon together with 1420 other men and women. I ended up 768th, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is the fact that not only I ran my first organised event, I also ran it outside UK where I currently live.
And this might be a good place where I’ll explain why Romania.
In summer 2023 I started talking to a girl online and she thought I’m from Romania. I think she was a bit disappointed I wasn’t, but we soon discovered that we still have many things in common and our friendship started.
I think I romanticised the whole thing and we took a little break, but eventually we started talking again. I, a good recovering alcoholic I am, soon realised as Russell Brand would say, that as soon as I start idolising an external object, pain would be on its way, learnt a valuable lesson there. Of course I still ocassionally go through a bit of a “what if” phase, but I’m able to recognise when I get off the track and get back to what is (as opposed to what I wish would be).
And what is, is a beautiful friendship with a wonderful person and I’m beginning to realise that things like this don’t happen that often in life and I accepted this strange unexpected friendship as a great opportunity to practice gratitude.
Her name is Mia and I think that’s as far as I feel comfortable sharing about her here.
Around the same time I met Mia, I started life coaching with Martina, with the view that I’d like improve a few key areas like motivation, focus, dedication and confidence. It worked really well and early 2024 I told Martina that I would love to visit Romania, as part of “living more adventurously”, but I’m not sure when as I’d like to go there for some interesting event.
In the session I mentioned this to her, we were talking about the butterfly effect and funnily, either that day or next, my sister Eva sent me a screenshot off Facebook page which was essentially an advert for 13th Cluj-Napoca Wizz-Air Marathon.
And as it is our habit in our almost daily conversations, tease each other with some silly unsolicited advice, she just added one word “Go.”
So I guess it was really her doing I went, but I suspect it was actually an accumulated energy of the work I did in recovery and with Martina and my deep desire to experience more joyful and adventurous life, especially after I promised it to myself during my visit of Adam Johnson’s memorial.
A less spiritual explanation would be, that I booked it because I didn’t want to look stupid in front of Martina as I was telling her how I truly want to be more adventurous in 2024 so I couldn’t just say “Erm, actually I changed my mind. I don’t need any adventure. No thank you. ” and so I paid the £28 registration fee and I thought for myself that maybe when I realise this was a mistake, I just won’t book flights lol.
You can see here how my mind always wants to have a bit of a loop hole.
But eventually I told my colleagues at work and that solidified the whole thing and there was no turning back.
Soon after I booked the spot in the half marathon I started working on a bit of a concept for this trip and as I am a huge Placebo fan and I was intensely listening to the Battle for the sun I decided to use that as a metaphor for my trip.
We’ve made a record about choosing life, about choosing to live, about stepping out of the darkness and into the light. Not necessarily turning your back on the darkness because it’s there, it’s essential; it’s a part of who you are, but more about the choice of standing in the sunlight instead.
Brian Molko on the concept of the album Battle for the sun
Despite running for over 6 months, I couldn’t really say I love running. It took me long to time to understand it will never be love I feel for good food, deep conversations and beauty. I suppose I realised that running will always be something where I meet my dark side, a fragile truce between my light and the darkness where these two parts of who I am sit together and they simply conclude that to keep me sane, they have to accept each other. But they never do that easily and I always have to renegotiate a new truce.
Running is a simple, primitive act, and therein lays its power. For it is one of the few commonalities left between us as a human race.
Dean Karnazes
I actually thought about it all as I was running. First sentence Mia sent me when I arrived was “I can’t believe you are here!” and I replied “Well, neither can I.” But after 2 days in my nice little apartment in the centre of Cluj the initial disbelief disappeared and it was a normal thing. All it took to fall in love with the city was 10 minutes in coffee shop opposite my apartment. I knew pretty much right there and then, as I was trying to practise pronunciation of Mulțumesc (Thank you) chatting with nice lady serving me the first coffee in Romania, that I will enjoy my stay. And boy was I correct!
This trip was actually the best trip of my life and as it seems a bit of an exaggeration even to me, I probably should mention a few things.
I’ve had problems with alcohol a few years ago and even though I don’t know exactly how (might as well say it was a higher power really), I’ve manged to not have an alcoholic drink since 6. January 2022. Since I stopped drinking, I’ve realised, mainly through listening to and reading Russell Brand’s “Recovery” that it actually isn’t alcohol I had problem with, it’s life as it is that scares me. It took me those two years to finally somehow accept that life will always be a struggle and I suppose I found some redemption through processing Adam’s death, because it was then when it occurred to me that whilst life indeed has a brutal side, it has a beautiful side too, but we have to have courage to see it.
So this trip had nothing to do with proving anything to anyone, I had absolutely no desire to achieve anything, then as the title of this blog suggests, to battle for the fun. To experience what does life tastes like when I allow myself to be scared and do it anyway.
It definitely helped that Mia told me many wonderful things about Romania, especially Transylvania. I am glad I could see it all for myself.
Mulțumesc 🥰 I appreciate you.
Apart from Mia, I’d also love to say thank you to:
– My sister Eva without who I wouldn’t find this event. Thank you for everything.
– Martina, my life coach for over 6 months who was always there for me.
– Tomáš, for a good few years of inspirational discussions and support.
– Christy, for inspiration to run and having faith and our friendship.
– Valerie, for brilliant strategic advice and support and cheering. You were right, it was even more amazing!
– Rachel, James and Darren, my local running inspiration and support. It seems you guys are always a few steps ahead of me when it comes to running, but I gladly let you.
– James, Sean, Cathy, Phil, Rob from my last work. You guys also helped me to get to the point I could do this.
– My mum, for the most hilarious Facebook comment (So you didn’t faint thank God). Also my dad, but he didn’t provide any comment.
– And my first friend in Romania, Razvan for a super cool place to stay.
Special thanks to the girl below, you made it funnier to run.
Conclusion
I have only managed to finish this blog now, quite a few days after the run. I will always look back at this trip with pride and joy. In the days I was writing this I have also finished Matthew Perry’s autobiography and I realise that one adventure doesn’t make an adventurous life. I want to carry on, one day at a time as we recovering addicts say. Some days might be more adventurous than others (big surprise!), but I am beginning to realise that is part of the deal. Although I believe in God, I often get carried away by my own self-centeredness and stupid desires to pursue pleasure and distraction in whatever form. It might be wise then perhaps to acknowledge He had something to do with this all, because quite frankly, I still have no idea how did it all go so smooth.
So my final thanks go up there to the Big Guy. Let’s see if You can top this one next time I go 😎.
~
This is suffering’s lesson: pay attention. The important part might come in a form you do not recognize.
You might not know to love it.
But to pay attention is to love everything.
To see the future as brightness.Everything that happens is the last time it happens. We see things only as their own fatal brightness, and there is nothing after that brightness.
You can’t learn from remembering. You can’t learn from guessing.
You can learn only from moving forward at the rate you are moved, as brightness, into brightness.
Sarah Manguso, The Two Kinds Of Decay
Bonuses:
1. My running playlist can be found here
2. I’ve reached the finish with song Thursday by Asobi Seksu, which still remains my most favourite shoegaze song.
3. My running gear (as I prepared it but then I ran with official shirt and slightly improved hat 😀)
4. During my visit to Nottingham’s Up And Running, where I purchased my water bottles the lady helping me with my questions asked me if I could bring back my bib so they can hang it on the wall. I’ll do this with my daughter who also seems to be interested in running. (Pic to follow).
In Via - On The Way 